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Test to Destruction

Test to destruction

 

My mascara has not run,

But it seems to have gone.

I like to put things

Through their paces:

Test to destruction.

My heart has not broken

But it seems to have cracked.

I like to put things

Through their paces:

Test to destruction.

My faith is not destroyed,

But it’s certainly frayed.

I like to put things

Through their paces:

Test to destruction.

My God is not tarnished,

But he seems to have vanished.

I like to put things

Through their paces:

Test to destruction.

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February 6, 2009 - Posted by | Cafe Literati, God in our life, life, literature, love, personal, poetry, psychology, religion, Viv's Poetry, women, writing | , , ,

8 Comments »

  1. I had a little shock as I read the first line with the mascara because yesterday I decided to open for the first time the book I wrote about 25 years ago and which I found back in Spring 2008, together with Bubble Boy. I hadn’t dare before, a long story…
    and I started to translate (again from German into English)… and in the first paragraph I was writing about running mascara…

    Perhaps this is the biggest difference between us: my mascara runs, yours don’t! 🙂

    I am not sure I understand this poem… have to think longer about it! But it ceratinly sounds great, like always!

    Comment by Miki | February 6, 2009

  2. Waterproof mascara, best invention for women wot weep! I recommend Maybelline; doesn’t shift even after 30 hours on the go and takes a hell of a lot to get it off when I do eventually go to bed. I test ran it first on my courier trip to Cologne last year, when I started at 1am and didn’t hit bed till 11pm the following night; my eyes were like rissoles in the snow but the mascara was still there!
    I wrote this one about three years ago, around the time we were contemplating ending our world as it was then. I was in the good ole dark night of the soul and as my eyes look like boiled gooseberries without mascara, I had to do something to stay glam when the tears kept hitting, so I invested in waterproof stuff…later to find a brand that was indestructible. The one I was using then didn’t run but it did disappear without the usual intervening mess!
    I think I was trying to explore the paradoxes of my own behaviour and my feelings; God wasn’t sullied but he somehow wasn’t there, my mascara was gone but it hadn’t run, my heart wasn’t broken as such but it was damaged. I also get very frustrated by the fact that I do push things and myself to breaking point, just to see(hahaha) whether they will break or not. MAny years back a friend of a friend got a job in NON destructive testing in some industry or other, and the idea has always stayed with me. I think of Doink on the ikea ads, where they test sofas to see how long they will last before they break. It’s a facet of myself I am not happy with but can’t seem to stop doing. Many of my closest friendships have actually emerged AFTER a nasty row had happened. How people react to you after such an event is often a better test of how you both feel about each other.

    Comment by viv66 | February 6, 2009

  3. Funny that you say that, Viv . Now I have to write here the mascara line which stands in my book:

    “… Above all, don’t think how you look like with your black smeared eyes…. better ask yourself how many women in this world have realised before you that waterproof mascara is not tearsproof. Isn’t it funny, somehow?
    Forget the red swollen nose, the pale bloodless lips…”

    The thing is, Viv, that I have been using waterproof mascara for more than 30 years now, the reason being not the tears, but the fact that I very regularly go swimming quite long distances in indoor pools, something like almost every day.
    You can perhaps imagine how many different ones I have tested in my long swimmer career… but none of them was really tears proof!

    Comment by Miki | February 6, 2009

  4. For me the secret is not to touch the eyes. Then it just seems to disappear.
    I rarely swim even though I like it; almost every pool I have ever been in has had so much chlorine in it my eyes and my skin have reacted badly, and having enough hair for a couple of shetland ponies makes it hard to get it clean again. I concluded I wouldn’t bother any more; I once had such a bad reaction with the eyes in a hotel pool I had the hotel terrified my dad would sue. I sometimes go swimming in the sea but on the east coast here the sea is too cold and the current too strong for a not-good swimmer to enjoy it much so i shall wait till we next go to Cornwall and Wales and go surfing then.
    Ordinary mascara makes a horrid mess. I used to dye my eyelashes until I had a bad reaction with the dye; rotten shame as it was so easy then on holiday, even if I did have piebald eyelashes every so often…

    Comment by viv66 | February 6, 2009

  5. I don’t know hot it is in the UK, but in many modern indoor pools they don’t uses chlorine any more. Well, in Spain they still do unfortunately, but they are really beginners with indoor pools, above all along the Mediterranean coast here one normally goes into the sea when one wants to swim… Personally I can’t stand the salt in the sea, it’s much worse for my eyes and my ears than the stuff they use in indoors pools
    I always swim with swimm goggles though…

    You surf? Wave surfing, wind surfing? I adore windsurf!

    Comment by Miki | February 6, 2009

  6. bellysurfing, using a body board. I’ve never tried windsurfing; never had the chance or the money to try.
    UK pools reek with chlorine; we have almost no outdoor pools and the indoor ones are so chock full of the stuff that my eyes end up watering just sitting by the pool. I am blessed with sensitive everythings! Everytime I want to try a new cream or shampoo or something I have to ask for a sample first(if I can get one) to make sure I don’t waste money buying something I then can’t use or end up with such a severe reaction it takes weeks to heal. Some companies are wonderful about this; Neals’ Yard happily fill up a little pot for me to try, and so too do others, or give me a little sachet to use. I have a lot of trouble with sun creams espeicially but I found one end of last season that Neals’ Yard let me try so I shall buy a big pot for this season when I next go in.

    Comment by viv66 | February 6, 2009

  7. Now I understand what I didn’t understand before, in your poem. it was simply the expression:
    Test to destruction.
    Kevin explained it to me now, then everything gets clear of
    course…

    Comment by Miki | February 6, 2009

  8. Who is “your god?”

    Comment by Michael Pokocky | February 8, 2009


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