Café Crem

Art, Music and Words around The Coffee Table

The Great Hedge Debate – Bad Karma?

A less scary orange haired witch yesterday...

A less scary orange haired witch yesterday...

So it’s like this. We got back from 2 months away, and the hedge, which we cut before we went is again getting a little unruly. I went off for 2 days to Germany to gig, and then, a day later, I began cutting it again, planning on taking a section at a time.

This morning as I was walking back up from the shops, the little italian witch with whom we have the misfortune to be neighbours with collared me. Jabbering away in Spanish at me. Never drawing breath to consider a) whether I could understand her or b) gave a toss.

After the initial “how are you’s” she immediately began telling me to cut the hedge. I walked off. Within the hour, as Miki and I were driving off to swimming, her equally diminutive (though spectacularly rotund) husband figure (I don’t think he was stupid enough to marry her) accosted us and began teeling us much the same thing. Miki began explaining how we just got back, and he had the temerity to say he’d just got back and he was working on things!! Well, you know what? Whoopee-bloody-do!! I couldnt give a sh*t whether he returns from holiday and composes the equivalent of the 1812 overture, rebuilds his house and writes a small novel. I have ZERO interest in what he does. Why on God’s green earth he believes he has the right to judge me by his lifestyle, or have any business poking into my business takes my breath away.

Today, I had every intention of continuing with cutting the hedge (in their frenzy to mind our business, they’d failed to notice this) but I will not lift a finger today. I didn’t move to Spain to be ordered around by some clockwork pierrot fascist doll and her emasculated puppet.

Ding Dong the Witch is dead...Kev's fantasy

Ding Dong the Witch is dead...Kev's fantasy

In what tiny, under-evolved part of their brain do they have the notion that I have the slightest interest in anything they say, do, or suggest?

But, dear reader, I fear I am the victim of serious bad hedge karma. Our hedge has contracted a blight of some sort, and appears to be dying. If only the same fate would befall the unwordly orange fuzz that passes for the italian midget’s hair…..

Bad Karma befalls our hedge...

Bad Karma befalls our hedge...


Kev Moore


July 25, 2008 - Posted by | death, fun, humor, life, personal, random, writing | , , , ,


  1. Kevin in one of his big literary moments… let”’s just hope that the witch hasn’t got any internet…

    Comment by Miki | July 25, 2008

  2. Poor Kevin ! don’t worry, I have the same problem.
    I laught a lot when I read your post !
    we must set fire to the fence is the best solution.
    I think my neighbours are italian too !! hoooooo 🙂 good luck for tomorrow !

    Comment by Apple 'queen | July 25, 2008

  3. Kevin continue a faire la grève de la haie… et c’est pas moi qui vais lui dire de la couper, car moi la haie, je la préfère haute et bien touffue et sauvage!!! Mais je suis sure que la naine italienne est en train de préparer sa vengeance…

    Comment by Miki | July 26, 2008

  4. Merci for your comment, Pomme! I haven’t reached that calm inner place within myself yet today, where I feel able to begin to cut the hedge…but, it may still happen!

    Comment by kevmoore | July 26, 2008

  5. Maybe the little witch (you know what I mean!) will take revenge and cut herself (or put her husband to cut) your hedge…

    Comment by iondanu | July 27, 2008

  6. Hi Danu! I’m getting pretty close to handing the witch the hedge strimmer and telling her to get on with it (trouble is, its bigger than she is!)

    Comment by kevmoore | July 27, 2008

  7. Well, Kevin, I think I would have reacted the same way. Being ordered to do it would make me want to wait a few days….Keep in mind he might have come out to accost you because she told him he had to!!!

    I always try to tell my kids at school, “It’s easier to catch flies with honey than with vinegar!”

    Madame Monet

    Comment by wpm1955 | July 27, 2008

  8. I loved your photo with the red shoes….I thought of that movie even before I read the caption. I’m glad to know that at least some people in England know of this movie! Most British people I meet never heard of it (I discuss it with British parents I know because I show it to kids in my third-grade class.)

    Madame Monet

    Comment by wpm1955 | July 27, 2008

  9. Hi MM! yes, I’m pretty sure he was ordered out to accost us! 🙂
    Regarding your comment about the Wizard of Oz, that amazes me, it’s become a standing joke in England that the movie is shown on TV every single Christmas. Every single English person I know is aware of the film, though perhaps not the original story by Frank L. Baum. Miki, however, didn’t know of it.

    Comment by kevmoore | July 27, 2008

  10. I think your neighbor may have hit your hedge with a squirt of Roundup.

    On the bright side, it is entertaining to have a neighbor you can so easily aggravate, and it is good blog fodder.

    You should give them the link so they can read about themselves.

    Comment by wrjones | July 29, 2008

  11. Bill, I have tried to be fair-minded, but alas, I couldn’t help but allow the thought of sabotage to pop into my mind. How does that saying go? A genius consists of 1% inclination and 99% aggravation – or something like that. Any old how, I have decided to adopt your upbeat approach and simply enjoy the practice of annoying my neighbours.

    Comment by kevmoore | July 29, 2008

  12. The disavantage of that is that they annoy you too… since I’m unemployed at the moment and always wondered how it will be to be hit-man, you can hire me to get rid of them… And before you can annoy them well… we can discuss the most annoying method also… (Ha,ha)

    Comment by ivdanu | July 29, 2008

  13. Danu, I like your style. This is the kind of entrepreneurial thinking that got the world where it is today!

    Comment by kevmoore | July 29, 2008

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