Café Crem

Art, Music and Words around The Coffee Table

Grownup’s Santa

By W.R. Jones


If you want those kiddy gifts; Barbie doll, erector set, little red wagon, etc., go ahead and leave Santa that glass of milk and cookies.

If you want Santa to know you are all grown up and want some big boy toys, leave him a cup of coffee and some drug laced cakes.

Some people bake using precisely measure ingredients, for example, meth labs. I tend to just add a pinch of this and a pinch of that. Since it is nearing the holidays and I’m in a sharing mood I will part with my yellow cake recipe just for the club members. I get a box of yellow cake mix from Vons then I empty out my bathroom cabinet. I put in one blood pressure pill finely ground, one of those horse sized calcium tabs also finely ground, a few advil tabs, a one-a-day vitamin, and some dried out, rock hard, raisins (how did they get in the cabinet?).

Santa gets a buzz from the coffee, strong bones, and gets rid of that headache. I’m expecting a new Harley this Christmas.


November 26, 2007 - Posted by | Art, Cafe L'Arte, CCCCompetition, Christmas, coffee, family, friends, fun, humor, life, WR Jones' Paintings, writing


  1. Kev – read this comment then burn it.

    Vote for me – I will share the booty. I don’t normally like to be this dishonest but I think there may be chocolate involved.

    Comment by wrjones | November 26, 2007

  2. Very nice Bill. I am sure the Harley is on its way. By the way Bill I feature your blog and everyone elses here on Philosophis Blogroll I call Cafe Crem: The Coffee Cup Club+
    As well I feature everyone here in the Google reader for philosophis+ page as well. So visitors to philosophis+ can see Cafe Crem, Cafe Crem blogroll authors and Cafe Crem Google reader. I did this to promote all of you. No thanks necessary; I love to help and try to do my best.

    Comment by Michael Pokocky | November 26, 2007

  3. Bill, I have decided to pre-empt Santa, and will ambush him before he makes the present drop to all those do-gooders down the road. Ive paid a couple of local thugs to deliver sackcloth and ashes, and while the do-gooders are racked with remorse wondering where they went wrong during the year, I’ll be sunning myself in the Caribbean, having sold all their presents at a strictly-invitation only garage sale.
    P.S. I have attempted to burn the comment but my laptop appears to be melting and the keyboard is !%^+@:~~~}the letters wrong….

    Comment by kevmoore | November 26, 2007

  4. Great entry, Bill, happy to see your Santa Claus Cup and to give you 1 point!
    Kevin is right now in the kitchen baking the yellow cake. It smells quite dubious…
    By the way, knowing that you both together would try to cheat, I followed the advise of Susan and changed the rule: 1 entry, 1 point. No more, no less. No way to cheat now… or do I miss something here?

    Comment by Miki | November 26, 2007

  5. Miki, Miki, Miki, once Kevin eats those cakes there is no telling how he might vote or if he will be able to vote.

    Maybe you and I can work something out?

    I do admire his proactive approach to getting gifts. Why wait around for some chunky guy in a red suit to give you what he wants. And only then if you have been good. Which might explain why I didn’t get anything last year, or the year before, or the year before that, …

    Comment by wrjones | November 26, 2007

  6. I like your Santa’s face a great deal. He doesn’t look like the type to enjoy your raisin cake and reward you with a Harley. A better choice of drugs might help though.

    Comment by Susan | November 27, 2007

  7. Normally, I don’t like so much christmas, it makes me sad somehow, but when I look at your painting, it gives warmth to my heart, and it reconciles me with Santa Claus. Happy Christmas Bill!

    Comment by contessine | November 27, 2007

  8. Thanks Susan. He really is the children’s Santa. You can see he is giving a disapproving eye to my cakes. I just made that stuff up because I’m mad about not getting what I wanted last Christmas, or the one before that, or …

    Contessine – Christmas season can be a time of stress and less than joyfull feelings. Let’s just be thankful for a hot cup of coffee and perhaps one of Kevin’s regular yellow cakes.

    Michael – I like your positive vibe about the Harley. However, I have this gut feeling, it won’t be under the tree again this year. I think Santa wants me to ride a regular bike to get a bit of exercise.

    Comment by wrjones | November 27, 2007

  9. Bill, why not get a broken Harley that you have to push? That way, you get the exercise AND the kudos of being a Harley Owner.

    Comment by kevmoore | November 27, 2007

  10. Clearly you are one of the world’s great thinkers. A fabulous solution that I’m going to propose in my letter to Santa. I’ll get my exercise and still be qualified for an ornate tattoo and leather jacket with something hard and tough like “Oil Painter” acrosss the back.

    Comment by wrjones | November 27, 2007

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